Since June 23rd, 2014

Thursday, March 31, 2016

The tumor board of hope

After my shower this morning, I came out to discover a voicemail from Dr. T. That's right kids... today is tumor board day! Since I don't exactly have his direct line, I called into his office and left all possible contact numbers for me today. Unfortunately the wait for a return call gave me plenty of time to think about all the things that we had talked about on Tuesday, especially about "buying (me) more time." Man, I hate the way that sounds. I HATE IT.

When Dr. T called back, it made me so happy to hear what sounded like happiness in his voice. The discussion about me with the tumor board this morning had gone well. Many ideas were talked about and the conclusion reached is for me to have wedge resections done on my liver around the most exterior mets and possibly ablation on the more interior one. To look into this plan further, I will be meeting with Dr. C, liver surgeon, next Wednesday. The call makes me feel optimistic! Hopeful! Prepared! Encouraged! Ready! Now we just need to wait 6 weeks for the Avastin to clear from my system. Tick. Tock.

Dr. T seems confident that this plan is going to be put into action, so my chemo for Tuesday has been canceled.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

You have my full attention

  • Appointment with Dr. T at Siteman South County
NP S came in and talked with Hector and I first. We covered a lot of things, in about 30-40 minutes. And after she discussed things with Dr. T, the four of us all sat together.

The Guardant blood test done earlier this month shows that I definitely have active cancer cells again. Some bits that have shed off from the tumors (based on DNA analysis) are in my bloodstream and that, is not great news. It is hard for me to explain it all, but I think this video does a good job: http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000505715.

Putting together all of the information that we have, liver lesions on CTs/MRIs, blood work, CEA test results (up but still considered normal), the Guardant blood test and how I've been feeling, it all points to a recurrence that needs attention.

Dr. T is going to present my case to the tumor board on Thursday morning. From what I understand, it is a meeting of knowledgeable minds to talk through available options. And in advance of that meeting, another radiologist will read all of my scans as well. (Another set of eyes is always a good thing.) I'll also be hearing from a couple of surgeons about meeting with them to talk through options.

Since it might not be surgery though, my maintenance treatment scheduled for next week remains on the calendar for now. Many things still TBD.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

On this day

On this day exactly one year ago, I played soccer with my friends for the first time after 9 months off post-diagnosis. I remember that it was mostly an emotional and mental win that night, as the physical soccer part was a bit of a mess. But it's like riding a bike, right?

This pop-up memory (thank you facebook) reminds me of how lucky I have been over the last year, to feel like I'm still living the life that I want to be living.

Another day

Adulting means getting out of bed, especially when we don't want to.

Sometimes it feels so surreal to have an experience like yesterday at the ER, and then today be back to work, just another day.

I did talk to my oncologist's office and we are going to hold off on any further chemo pills this week until I can get in to see them next Tuesday.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

If these walls could talk

  • Trip to the ER at Big Barnes
I was at work this morning when I started having pain and what felt like pressure in my chest. And it was kinda scary. After a phone call to my oncologist's office, Hector came and took me to the ER down at Big Barnes on their suggestion.

I had a good conversation with the nurse who checked my vitals and ran an EKG (which was completely normal). He is being treated at Siteman for bladder cancer. I said to him, something like, "oh man I'm sorry, that really sucks." And he said, "that's what I say about colon cancer." I guess it's just the cancer part, that part really sucks. I don't think he necessarily treated me any differently than any other patient, but it is a bond, one cancer patient to another. We got to laugh about the bagpipe player that he had at treatment the other day and I think he was jealous of the Irish dancers that were at my last treatment.

I eventually made it back to an exam room, and I stared at these blinds for about 6 hours. There was a TV in the room but the sound was weird so it only lasted on for a few minutes. And I looked at my phone a few times, but I really was just there, in that room, looking at the blinds, and listening to the sounds outside my room.


They ran some blood tests and I did get to venture outside of my room for a chest x-ray and a chest CT. (Getting the x-ray took longer than expected, as the tech suggested that we allow a police guarded woman to get her x-ray ahead of me. Go riiiight ahead.)  They were checking to make sure that I didn't have a blood clot and also checking my blood for signs of heart damage (Troponin test). The doctor that was responsible for me when I arrived talked to my oncologist's office directly and I found that to be really reassuring. When she came in and explained what tests we were doing and why we were doing them, she was compassionate and kind. Unfortunately, that was the last that I saw of her.

After a shift change, a second doctor came in much later to go over my test results. Basically, they didn't find anything new and I'm not pregnant (no divine intervention to report). She offered (a couple of times) to give me a script for pain medication, which I turned down, and then she set my discharge in motion.

It was a roller coaster day of emotions and I'm glad that it's over.

CEA trend


Tuesday, March 22, 2016

A quick morning

  • Bloodwork and treatment at Siteman West County

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Staying the course

  • Bloodwork, appointment with Dr. T and treatment at Siteman South County

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Woah. (In my best Joey Lawrence voice.)

I'm hoping that I'm only having a rough week of side effects because of the break/restart of my chemo. Maybe my body had sort of become accustomed to the chemo, and then it was all woohoo during the break, and now that I've restarted, my body needs some time to get re-accustomed. Maybe? It's on the list of questions for Tuesday.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Feeling blue

This week marks 1 year since my 10th and final FOLFOX treatment, so I've been on the maintenance chemo of Avastin and Xeloda for almost a whole year. With treatment every other week, a year of that maintenance means 26 treatment days, that each start with blood work, sometimes involve an appointment with my oncologist and finish up in the treatment room to get the Avastin. For me, there's also been a couple of trips to the Cancer Care Clinic, and plenty of tests - CTs, MRIs, an ultrasound, etc. Is that all?

Imagine what I could have accomplished in all of that time instead. And in all of the time that I spend worrying, dealing with side effects and not sleeping. Cancer just sucks. Today is Dress in Blue Day to raise awareness for colon cancer. I hope that nobody that I care about ever has to go through all of this. And maybe I will have helped someone by raising their awareness to the symptoms. While my only "symptom" was anemia, I had no risk factors, and I was only 38, I'm an oddity.

But I am lucky to have so many blue friends today.


Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Pull the covers back up over my eyes

  • MRI (liver) at Barnes West County Imaging Center
Today's MRI seemed to take a longggg time. Laying in the machine, your mind does crazy things. I kept wondering if it was taking so long because they were seeing stuff. And that's scary to think about. And thanks to the below image of a CT scanner without the covers on that I came across earlier this week, I kept thinking about the heaviness of the machine. (Yes, I know, MRIs and CTs are done by two different machines, but to me they all look the same. I close my eyes pretty tightly as soon as they get me laid down in those things.) I also recently saw a You Tube video of a CT machine without covers on while it was operating. I definitely don't recommend watching that during the week of a scan. I mean, science is cool but timing is everything.


I do have an appointment with my oncologist NEXT Tuesday, but who can wait that long for test results? NOT ME. I left a message with his office to call me when the results became available and I was on my way home from work when the phone rang. I was happy to hear the NP's voice. (January's not-so-great news came from my oncologist directly.) The preliminary results suggest no changes in the liver lesions when compared to my most recent MRI, from 7 weeks ago. And everything else that can be seen in this MRI looks normal. It is good news... considering the break from chemo for dental work and considering that the liver lesions were "new" in January... at least new since my previous MRI in January 2015. So... we're happy? Yes, for today.

PS I love Stargate. As in saw-every-episode-and-movie-five-times love Stargate.