I have no words

• Bloodwork, appointment with Dr. T and treatment at Siteman South County

Seriously.

To steal a line from a friend, my mind is saying "Let's do this!" and my body is saying "NOPE."

HBD continued

Dr. P has reviewed my records and believes that there is a radiation option for the tumor in my abdominal muscle. My next set of scans is scheduled for March 6th so he'll be taking a look at those to confirm his decision. With very little chemo over the past few months, I have a lot of anxiety about those scans. I can only hope that there won't be any additional growth anywhere else.

I've always said that a stage IV cancer diagnosis is like one big emotional (and physical) roller coaster. Up, down, left, right... life often feels out of my own control. Furthering that analogy, the past couple of weeks have felt like the corkscrew on the coaster... upside-down, backwards, who knows what is next. I was talking with a friend about it the other night and she added, "yeah like now your head is banging side to side on the headrests." Exactly.

But enough heavy talk, it's my birthday and I'm going to go out and celebrate all the positive things that I do have in my life!

HBD

• Bloodwork and a Neupogen injection at Siteman West County

Happy Birthday to me! My bone marrow has been working hard and my ANC is waaaaay up! And more good news is that I won't have to go down to Big Barnes tomorrow (Saturday) for an additional shot. My ANC will settle down before Tuesday but should remain in the normal range that we're looking for.

Step right up

• Neupogen injection at Siteman West County

Nurse M was working in the fast track lab today and she had a nursing student working with her... and since the student was able to give me my injection, I was in and out of there in about 10 minutes. That's a new record!

Big picture

• Neupogen injection at Siteman West County

Dr. T called me today to review what we had talked about during my appointment yesterday. He wanted to remind me of the big picture, that I have only one abdominal tumor that showed growth on my January scans, that my last Guardant testing number was down, that I've been feeling pretty good... and that it's just the damn (my word) CEA that has us with our tails up (again, paraphrasing here). So... what if there was something that we could do about that abdominal tumor that might lower my CEA (an indicator of the tumor load on my body) and allow us to resume maintenance chemo? Well.................. there might be. Dr. T is going to forward my records to Dr. P, one of the radiation oncologists that was involved with the Y90 procedure on my liver last summer. From my blog last July: "I talked to Dr. P this morning. He was easy to talk to on the phone... and I am rarely comfortable on the phone talking about all of this medical stuff." In addition to being medically talented, being able to communicate comfortably with me is also up there on my list of important physician qualities.

1. Medically talented
2. Able to communicate comfortably with me
3. Superhero

So now we wait to hear from Dr. P. There are multiple radiation options that Dr. T thinks might be relevant but he differs to Dr. P's expertise. Dr. P will need to review my scans to determine what might be possible and the risks involved. I look forward to hopefully getting to see him again.

Superstitious

Loaded up on bracelets today for good mojo. #didntwork #needmorebracelets

It's a no-go

• Bloodwork, appointment with Dr. T and a Neupogen injection treatment at Siteman South County

My ANC (absolute neutrophil count) is STILL TOO LOW for treatment, so no chemotherapy again today. It's disheartening and frightening. Good thing my #anxietyblob and Stripes are here to look after me... now that I'm home for the day.

Having a Me Day

• Neupogen injection at Siteman West County

Today was a good day. I had an appointment with my therapist this morning and she helped me to wrap my mind around this week's news. On Tuesday I had felt immediately overwhelmed by all of these things that I thought I needed to do right away. Most of them though... not so urgent. But a frantic mind...

After lunch, I met Anna at the park to enjoy the strangely beautiful February weather and we had a good walk/run. She listened to all the things that I wanted to rant on about and the hour flew by. I had to stop into Siteman to get another Neupogen injection so Anna came and sat with me while I waited.

After Siteman, I stopped by Teri's house to chat and she reminded me to take each step one at a time. #poweredbyhope

When I got home, I plopped on the hammock with Stripes and all was good in the world. Good advice, good people, good day.

Boost me

• Neupogen injection at Siteman West County

Lots of sitting around in waiting rooms this week.

Today in pictures

• Bloodwork, appointment with Dr. T and a Neupogen injection treatment at Siteman South County

My neutrophil count is too low for treatment. Bad news. My CEA (tumor marker) has risen and has Dr. T "scared". Really bad news. So we'll try some Neupogen injections to boost my white blood cells and we'll make the switch from maintenance chemo to Folfori chemo next week. We knew this change was coming and we've been putting it off for as long as possible to maintain the quality of life that I've had for the past few months. BUT, it's time to be aggressive. #lotstothinkabout #hadsomewinewithdinner #valentinesday

Be My Valentine

My treatment for today was canceled because I am recovering from dental work. My mouth needs to be fully healed before I can restart chemo, so hopefully that will be next Tuesday... on Valentine's Day.

In the news

It's still just 1 person, but it gives the stage IV colon cancer community some precious hope.

http://www.today.com/video/war-on-cancer-see-the-latest-groundbreaking-advances-870897219772