Spaghetti arms

• Bloodwork and treatment at Siteman West County

A cold is a dangerous thing at a cancer center so they have me quarantined today because of my runny nose. Nobody puts baby in a corner, well, except my nurses. #thanksCarla

Other opinions

Things I'm reading...

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/02/opinion/sunday/tom-brokaw-learning-to-live-with-cancer.html?smid=fb-share

https://adventuresinlivingterminallyoptimistic.com/2017/01/14/so-this-is-what-cancer-feels-like/

And Lauren Graham's new book. 😂

Scary box of Kleenex

• Bloodwork, appointment with Dr. T and treatment at Siteman South County

When is a cute flowery box of Kleenex more than just a cute flowery box of Kleenex? When the nurse brings it into the room and leaves it, just minutes before I am going to find out the results of yesterday's CT scan. Ummmm. Hello panic my old friend.

Thankfully I didn't need too many tissues. A tumor in my abdominal muscle (on my left side, below my belly button, on the skin-facing side of the muscle) has grown and is showing up on my scans as measurable now. Thankfully when the med student was feeling around today, she couldn't feel it. (I really didn't want her to be able to feel it.) And the inflamed lymph node in my peritoneal cavity... remains inflamed.

There was nothing on the CT to explain my right-sided pelvic pain so we're blaming that pain on surgical adhesions from my 3 open abdominal surgeries.

Other than that, it's back to Xeloda and Avastin. And I'll see Dr. T again in 6 weeks.

Heeeeeeeeeeere we go!

• CT scan at Barnes West County Imaging Center

Today's lesson: Monday morning first patient of the day scans are great. The room was nice and clean (it always is, but today it felt super clean.) All of the staff were in a good mood coming off the weekend. Even the CT scanner didn't seem so imposing with laughter in the background.

As I look forward into 2017 and I think about the wild task that my friends and I have laid out in front of ourselves... running/walking the Chicago Marathon in October... I know that being physically able to train towards that goal... I will need scans that show my cancer as stable or with very little growth... so that I can remain on my current chemo. That starts with today's scan (and then one in April and then July.) Fingers and toes crossed. Of course I'm also hoping for those kind of scans because this is my life we are talking about. NBD.

I'll take Puerto Rico for $200 Alex

The feel of an ocean breeze, the sounds of waves crashing onto the shore, the taste of a salty margarita rim and the warmth of the sun.

"What are four things that help to take cancer off your mind for a week?"

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini

The extra week off chemo means I do have a little more energy than usual this week, but I have still made time to be a lazy diva on the beach. And to be rocking my port.

I'm not one for big New Year's resolutions but I hope 2017 will bring me greater self-confidence and less grief. (I know it will take work on my part... as well as others in my life.) 2016 was a real sense-of-self killer. It tested my faith, my marriage, my friendships, my career, my health, my spirit, my heart, my soul... and not everything has made it through without damage. ¡Adiós 2016! I've definitely come out the other side a different person.

self-con·fi·dence

/self-ˈkänfədəns/

noun

1. a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgment

   synonyms:

   morale, confidence, self-assurance, assurance, assertiveness, self-reliance, self-possession, composure;

grief

/ɡrēf/

noun

1. deep sorrow

   
   

   synonyms:

   sorrow, misery, sadness, anguish, pain, distress, heartache, heartbreak, agony, torment, affliction, suffering, woe, desolation, dejection, despair;