- Appointment with a Siteman Counseling Center psychologist at West County
It's been months since I've met with a professional to talk through things. The last person I met with felt like I graduated and had set me free. And maybe that helped me to feel strong for awhile, that someone with initials after her name believed that I was managing my emotions in a healthy way. Fast-forward to live action though and right now I'm just not so sure that I should be trying to manage them on my own.
While my heart is full of joy and laughter ("togetherness, well that's all I'm after"), I also have had some heavier moments of sadness and fear and anger. These moments that have felt uncontainable have led to tears at work and fighting with friends about silly things and lying awake at all hours. And while I need to be fair to myself and allow myself to feel all emotions, I also could use some help wrangling them in.
Today we talked about acknowledging all emotions as they occur, but being able to set those heavy ones aside on a shelf for further examination at a "better" time. Even setting a time every day when I might write about those emotions so that my brain knows that at say 8, for example, there will be some time to focus on whatever is on the shelf that day. We talked about how writing can help your mind think in a more linear, organized fashion. First A then B then C. Instead of a wandering brain that often has no order at all. It sounds good and it will most likely be written words never shared with another person, but at least they won't be left on a shelf to get heavier... and then come crashing down.
My high school soccer coach used to encourage me to not wear my heart on my sleeve** so I think it's safe to say that I've always been an emotional person. He tried really hard to get me to believe in myself. A favorite memory is from the year-end banquet at the end of my first season, Coach had prepared a list of his favorite quotes from the season, some from talks after key wins or tough losses... and one quote that was just three little words... "Come on Bernie!" It was the one thing that he had said the most that season from the sidelines. Yours truly was the target and it was motivation shall we say to get myself into the game and to quit monkey-butting around. (He was very quotable.) He saw what I didn't see in myself and that memory makes me smile and want to go run some hill sprints.
**A quick on-line search reveals this definition:
"Wearing one's heart on your sleeve" is not something that you want to do. This idiom means that a person is overly sensitive and easily hurt by minuscule things. Or, it means that the person has no control of emotions and shows or acts on his/her feelings too readily. When we have some emotional maturity, we can discern how and when showing our feelings is appropriate.
Expressing appropriate emotional responses takes practice and knowing what one really feels before one acts. Don't force expressing your feelings but learn to recognize what you are feeling. Then you can choose how, or if, you wish to express them. Not on your sleeve, but from your brain.
