Change

I've used this blog over the past 4 years to share my emotions and feelings as I've dealt with cancer. Unfortunately, I no longer feel like I have the energy to do that while I also update CaringBridge with health updates. I expect that this will be my last post here, I encourage you to go to the below website for updates (sorry for any confusion):

https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kickinit-dianeburns

Art class

I have so many art supplies... crayons, colored pencils, markers, water colors and coloring books. Lots of them! Some days I get inspired and I search through the coloring books for something that speaks to me. Today I used some water colors and I felt like this page spoke to me. I have been working on kickin' cancer's tail for almost FOUR years (next month) and I do everything I can to not look frail. Not sure it always works. #frailymcfrailyson #welcometofrailtown

Cookie monsters

I can't believe it but I have 2 cookie monsters to thank. To CS and JP, thank you so much for being so thoughtful. I loved the surprise of receiving Hydrox cookies.

WHAT

I can't believe it but some wonderful soul ordered me Hydrox cookies through Amazon and I think I have enough to last me a year! I can't wait to open them this afternoon and dig into them with a big glass of milk. There was no gift receipt or note, so I have no idea who to thank. This kind soul needs to step forward so I can shower them with thanks. Wow, I am so lucky.

Definitely not pregnancy cravings. So?

Sometimes I’ll get a craving for something odd, sometimes it’s something that I don’t normally even eat. This week my appetite has been better than normal because I am 2 weeks removed from chemo and I am not having any kind of treatment. I had part of a cupcake the other day! That’s craziness. I also crave orange juice all the time. That craving went away for a few days, but it’s back. Tonight at midnight, it’s Hydrox cookies. I don’t know if they even make them anymore. They were like the discount version of Oreo cookies. I feel like Hydrox is the name of a diet pill now. I don’t think I’ll get this craving filled, but life is funny.

Duel it out

Today was a special day. A friend helped me get tickets to see Hamilton at the Fox theater. It's been sold out for years, practically since the day that the tickets went on sale. We had lunch beforehand and I wore myself out a little bit, nodding off for just a moment in the second act. But the show and the day were amazing.

 

Lost in space

• CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis at Barnes West County Hospital

I’m not sure why my scans have been scheduled at the hospital lately and not at the Imaging Center. At the Imaging Center, they check me in with lots of “hi sweetie!”s, “how are you hunny?” and “good morning beautiful”s. I know most of the nurses who can access my port and I know the CT tech by name and they all get me in and out pretty quickly.

At the hospital, CT patients are all blended in with other outpatient patients. I get a pager, there’s the check-in process (insurance) and then waiting for the pager to go off. It’s normally a pleasant process, I know several of the nurses now and even some of the CT techs who say hi to me by name in the hallways.

My sister Sharon is in town to take me to this appointment and we get settled in the chairs with our pager. I have a hard time sitting upright for very long so at some point I explained to Sharon that I was struggling with pain, so we laid me across some seats. It was crowded so I felt like a real seat hog! I wasn’t getting called for registration but sometimes for scans I am pre-registered. Plus there are signs all over, please be patient, we’ll be right with you, etc. so I don’t stress about it. However an hour goes by, I’m extremely uncomfortable and Sharon is losing her patience. She talks to a couple clerks only to discover that I never made it into the check-in queue after I got my pager. I’m lost in computer land. We would have sat there for hours waiting. Thank goodness Sharon was less patient than me. From there, check-in and the CT took no time at all. Especially since my aide was practicing for some kind of wheelchair races. #zoom #excuseus

TGIF

• IV fluids at Siteman West County

Getting IV fluids last week seemed to really make me feel better, so we scheduled two appointments for fluids this chemo cycle. When we checked in my blood pressure was low and my pulse was high, so that's more signs that IV fluids should be helpful today (and that I'm probably dehydrated.)

Ascites

• Abdominal ultrasound and paracentesis at Barnes West County Hospital

When they talk to me about how much fluid they are removing from my abdomen, I don't believe it. Today it was 3500 ml, which is approximately 7.72 pounds of fluid. The fluid build-up is extremely uncomfortable, my belly is distended and painful, my chest feels compressed, my breathing becomes more difficult, my appetite disappears because I feel full and on and on.

I know today was only the second time I've been "tapped" but I worry about it becoming a regular thing, that my cancer is going to continue to fill my abdomen with fluid after each time we empty it.

2018 St. Louis Undy WalkRun Team Kickin It